I Stopped Writing! Just Kidding. – Prompt: Rivulet

I haven’t written a blog post the past two days. I didn’t work on my novel yesterday (aside from doing some planning on it during lunch).

That’s okay, though. I’m not going to hold my lack of writing these past days against myself. I’m just going to pick up where I left off.

So what did I do instead of writing these past two days?

The first day, I went and had dinner with my family, then I spent time with  my son and put him to bed. Then I read some articles about leadership (because I am a manager at my day-job). Then I watched one of ‘The Good Witch’ movies on YouTube – one I’ve already seen.

The next day, I began reading the book You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero – awesome book so far, by the way. She has a raw, gritty writing style, but she gets her point across. Being a cynic, there were quite a few things that stuck out to me, particularly “Love Yourself – unless you have a better idea.” That one line struck a chord with me. There is no better idea, is there? So why do them? Why hate ourselves or beat ourselves up? This was a rivulet of wisdom that I definitely felt I needed to hear yesterday, and remember for the rest of my life.

Funny story about this day. I was snuggling with my son and fell asleep on the coach – sitting up – for 3-4 minutes (I didn’t remember this, by the way. I thought I’d merely blinked and opened my eyes again.) My husband had a conversation with me while I was asleep. He told me he was going to go and get some chicken nuggets, but first he would have to find a Chicken, kill it, and make the Chicken nuggets. I told him, “But that’s wrong. You shouldn’t do that.” So, apparently I’m bossy, even in my sleep. Then I fell asleep around 8 PM in the bed with the book still in my hand. My lovely husband saved my page and tucked me in.

And guess what? I didn’t play video games. However, these activities were still a ploy to meet my needs. Going to dinner and spending time with my son: Love/Acceptance. Reading the leadership articles/Reading You Are a Baddess: These raised my Esteem need. Falling asleep at 8 PM: Physiological.

But you know what? Most of these actually met those needs. I watched ‘The Good Witch’ purely for the enjoyment of it, not to fill a need. Everything else met my needs, unlike the illusory esteem-raising video games or Facebook.

So, again, I’m not going to hold it against myself. It’s the weekend, so I have plenty of time to make up for what I missed.

If you, dear readers, miss a day of writing – that’s okay. Just pick up where you left off. Don’t beat yourself up. Resist filling the rest of your days with activities which don’t truly meet your needs, but instead purely waste time because you don’t ultimately get anything out of them.

Write on!

(This was a response to the prompt Rivulet)

Cardinal Sins of Writing – Prompt: Bestow

If you’ve taken a glance at my ‘About Me’ page, it is literally just a short summary of the Cardinal Sins of Writing: Distraction. Procrastination. Lack of Focus. Sleep Exhaustion.  I have several – around seven – unfinished novels spanning from as little as 15,000 words to 65,000 words. I’ve written and attempted to finish novels for around 8 years.

8 years. Let that sink in. That’s a lot of time to not get anything done. Some have it much worse than me. Some take 10 years. Or 20. Or 30.

Maybe never.

The dream to write a novel burns strong in many people. Some people give up. Some believe they are not good enough. Others get frustrated with the process and quit entirely. Some continually make excuses until the day of their death. Morbid? Yes. True? Yes.

“It’s always been my dream to finish a novel.” I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said this to the people in my life.

So let me reframe this – for you and for myself – since I literally just had this revelation 15 seconds ago by writing this post: STOP thinking of ‘finishing a novel’ as a Dream.

“But Dreams are nice things to have!”

Sure. They’re nice to have. They make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. They make us feel important when we share them with other people and they are acknowledged. At times, they make us feel motived and inspired. Other times, they depress us because we know we are making excuses. We know that we could do better, but for multiple reasons, we choose not to.

I’m going to bestow this wisdom upon you that just slithered randomly into my brain.

Dreams are optional. 

There, I said it.

Many of the things I do on a daily basis are not optional, because in order to ensure my survival and the survival of my family, I must do them.

maslows_hierarchy

I must have a job to put food on the table. I must have a car so I can drive to work. I must take care of my son because I love him so much that if I don’t, I would lose him – and if not, scar him for the rest of his life (I would also never, ever forgive myself). He gives me happiness in watching him learn and grow. You could argue that, at a primal level, I would harm the survival of my family line by not caring for him. I must take care of my husband because I love him and he provides me companionship – a human need. I take care of my cats for the same reason. When I choose to play video games, I feel I ‘must’ – because at a subconscious level, it gives the illusion of fulfilling a human need: Esteem.

Being a cynic, I’ve based my life on ensuring my survival – even against attacks from my own mind during my lowest points.

Finishing a novel would achieve two of my needs: Esteem and Self-actualization. So the question is: What is currently fulfilling (or giving the illusion of fulfilling) these two needs?

In one of my earlier posts, I referenced that when I have a ‘good’ day in relation to my other life activities – work and family – I actually find it much harder to write. Sometimes I don’t do it at all. I have achieved ALL of my needs at work and with family. This is where ‘Distraction’ plagues me. I get distracted by all the ‘oh-so-great’ things in life that I end up seeing writing as an option. If I don’t get enough sleep – Physiological – I become exhausted and skip a day, which turns into two, and snowballs from there: ‘Sleep Exhaustion’. If ‘Esteem’ has not been met that day, ‘Procrastination’ plagues me, so I choose to do one of two things: Clean or play video games (ACHIEVEMENT. Esteem. Instant Gratification.) If all needs have been met except Self-actualization, I find myself plagued with ‘Lack of Focus’. I am unable to unleash my creativity. I have writer’s block. I can’t figure out how to sort an out-of-control plot.

Extreme revelation about myself which may apply to many of you Dreamers out there: Writing only fulfills a need if my needs are not being met elsewhere.

So, essentially, I am having an affair with Writing. Oh, the scandal!

So how do I fix this? How do I begin to see ‘finishing a novel’ as a necessity instead of an option? I could make radical changes in my life: quit my day-job. Quit playing video games. Leave my family and run away to a remote cottage where no one will find me.

But I can’t do that because two of these things are NOT optional. As long as I am sane, I could never see them as optional. Since video games only give the illusion of esteem, yes, that is an option. My brain also may be slightly addicted to this option, which means that the habit of reaching for one may be hard to break. The thing is, I don’t always feel like playing video games, which means my ‘esteem’ need is met elsewhere that day, either at work or with family. I can not avoid this, and I wouldn’t wish to avoid it.

But how do I fix this MESS? How do I change my thinking to ‘Writing is not a dream, it is a necessity.’

  1. Love my main characters. True, unconditional love, even if they are rotten to their core (just like my 2 year old during half of his waking hours).
  2. The same sense of obligation I have toward convincing my son to do anything – eating, sleeping, using the potty, changing his pull-ups – focus that same sense of obligation on my writing during the set time I am doing it. After all, it is WORK and it can be FRUSTRATING. But it is worth it, because it can fulfill some of my NEEDS (same point applies to my day-job).
  3. Drop the video games during my allotted time to write. Video games are like Facebook: both give an illusion of fulfilling a need (Video games: Esteem. Facebook: Love/Acceptance). My brain views video games as an addiction, because it fulfills a need only through illusion. Writing and finishing a novel would truly fulfill that need, and other people can benefit from gaining insight and enjoyment from my created work. I can also make some money from it. I can play video games – as long as I recognize when I’m unwisely using it to fulfill a need instead of for simple enjoyment and a way to kill time after my obligations have been met.
  4. Meditate. Maybe imagine myself ‘feeding’ my word processor with food or putting pull-ups on my computer. As insane as it sounds, I might actually try this. The strong feelings of obligation I have toward my son may subconsciously translate itself into action if I envision these ridiculous – but memorable – images.

Four simple steps: Love. Obligation. Realization. Meditation.

This is a plan. It’s a start to admit and solve the problem after 8 long years of a seemingly endless cycle of sinful writing.

I will leave you with this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke: “Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.”

via Daily Prompt: Bestow